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the birth, life, and death of a perfectly ordinary person

by lull

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1.
to the point of torment i wish to believe in something to believe in somebody to throw stones at the chapel and cross yourself at the bar we do it precisely because it is impossible to imagine beautiful solely because it is ridiculous a serpent among flowers just a confusion of nature "my time will keep; my time is all my own" wrapping silk about the razor's edge for the first time I breathed "because you are lukewarm, neither hot nor cold, you spill from my mouth like vomit"
2.
Of the newest construct which has been senselessly, blankly and unfeelingly swallowed. a great and priceless being. I want to forget everything here, to tear it out of my heart, to humiliate reason and distort the soul Like some sort of fly harboring a curse from time immemorial
3.
"If there is a god, praise the holy man" "If there is not, slash their throats." "For they hold us back." "Let us not go into this darkness out of calculation." he spoke with a wry smile, "a handful of ashes." we love differently, there is a difference in everything. yet your pity maybe still worse than my love, a love indistinguishable from spite. You were teaching me how to swim, I was learning how to drown. almost unaware of their own word, loathe to resolve the questions of the overflowed heart, "what then, am I to blame for it all?"
4.
5.
Why do we refuse this paradise? Can bravery be but just an ingratitude of life? How do we want without addiction? Do you ever wonder how to live? "when he is alone he probably doesn't even look that way, maybe even laughs." "she valued decidedly nothing in this world." to feel how good it is but still, so bitterly oppressed. Demons entering into the herd of swine. To be unhappy because we do not know we are happy. It's only that.
6.

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released April 8, 2017

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lull Columbia, South Carolina

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